Spiritual Bullies

Have you ever known a "spiritual bully"?

A friend mentioned something in their blog recently about a person in their life who used the Bible to point out to them how bad they were. All the while, this very person was inflicting pain and abuse on the family.

I've also experienced a very painful time in my life in which I had to make a controversial decision after much prayer and much consultation from trusted Christian advisors. I'm at peace with God about my decision. But there have been Christians who have felt compelled to point out (some to my face and some "generically") how they were convicted of my sin while showing little compassion or sensitivity to my situation. These people really hurt me and I have to forgive them. I also have to admit that I know they were well-intentioned. Someday I hope to have the maturity to not let them hurt me anymore.

But I see people like this as (sometimes unintentional) "spiritual bullies" and it really bugs me, because I NEVER want to be one!

I believe that the gospel of Christ is full of grace, forgiveness and hope. Not condemnation and self-righteousness. I also believe that we need to show people sensitivity and compassion. Is it our place to go to someone who has suffered through an already painful situation (e.g. divorce, suicide, abortion, addiction) and tell them how we've been convicted of their or their loved one's sin? Should we use the Bible as our weapon to point out how bad or wrong someone else is? I seem to recall a scripture that tells us we should worry bout the log in our own eye before worrying about the speck in our brother's eye...hmmmm. Here's how I see Jesus handle sinners in the scripture:

"Jesus returned to the Mount of Olives, but early the next morning he was back again at the Temple. A crowd soon gathered, and he sat down and taught them. As he was speaking, the teachers of religious law and Pharisees brought a woman they had caught in the act of adultery. They put her in front of the crowd.

"Teacher," they said to Jesus, "this woman was caught in the very act of adultery. The law of Moses says to stone her. What do you say?"

They were trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him, but Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dust with his finger. They kept demanding an answer, so he stood up again and said, "All right, stone her. But let those who have never sinned throw the first stones!" Then he stooped down again and wrote in the dust.

When the accusers heard this, they slipped away one by one, beginning with the oldest, until only Jesus was left in the middle of the crowd with the woman. Then Jesus stood up again and said to her, "Where are your accusers? Didn't even one of them condemn you?"

"No, Lord," she said. And Jesus said, "Neither do I. Go and sin no more." (John 8:1-11)

Wow! Jesus showed such gentleness and compassion to that woman! He even gently pointed out the hypocrisy of her accusers. Did the woman sin? Yes! Did Jesus feel the need to point it out to her or allow her to be stoned over it? No! I think the woman was fully aware of her sin. Instead he said, "Go and sin no more." And to her accusers, "Let those who have never sinned throw the first stone." Nothing more. Amazing! In fact, the only people I ever see Jesus be harsh with are the religious leaders who are going around condemning others.

As a Christian is it my duty to convict others of their sin? I don't think so. It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict people of their sin (see John 16:8), not mine. Instead isn't it my duty to first deal with my own sin before God so that I can be a humble example to others? Then, after I've confessed and repented of my sins, to build a compassionate relationship with others and point them to Christ Jesus who "is ordained of God to be the judge of all – the living and the dead"? (Acts 10:42)

Scripture has convicted me that it is not my job to judge the world. (See 1 Cor. 5:9-13) Instead I want to "be careful how I live among my unbelieving neighbors. Even if they accuse me of doing wrong, I hope they will see my honorable behavior, and will believe and give honor to God when he comes to judge the world." (paraphrase of 1 Peter 2:12)

I believe that scripture teaches that we must be very cautious when it comes to judging others. Matthew 7:1-5 says:

"Stop judging others, and you will not be judged. For others will treat you as you treat them. Whatever measure you use in judging others, it will be used to measure how you are judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying, 'Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye."

And Romans 3:23 states that "all have sinned; all fall short of God's glorious standard."

Ouch! That shows me that I better stay very humble when I'm feeling compelled to point out the sins of others.

I feel that before we confront others with their sin, we must have a relationship with them in which they know we love them. (I'm sure James 5:19 is speaking of this.) And as the scripture states in 1 Corinthians 13:1-3:

"If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything about everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever."

I am not saying that we as Christians should never confront sin. (That's a whole other post!) I just pray that I will never insensitively use the Gospel (purposely or inadvertently) as a weapon to be judgemental or cause others pain or to appear "holier-than-thou". Instead, when the Spirit has convicted someone of sin and they are feeling lost and hopeless, I hope and pray that I will humbly show them compassion and point them to Jesus. And when a situation arises in which I feel the need to point out sin in another's life, I pray that I will be filled with love, sensitivity and compassion. I pray that we as Christians will "hold to the truth in love, becoming more and more in every way like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church." (Ephesians 4:15) Amen!

Praise God for His Son, Jesus, "who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us." (Romans 8:34) That, my friends, is good news! That's the news that I want to share! I have received so much forgiveness, grace, mercy and peace from my Savior and that's what I want to share that with others.